rewrite all the rules.

There is a set of rules that seem to be ingrained into girls while growing up. This is at no fault of her parents, it just happens. Parents aren't the only ones to 'blame' either. The world in a whole seems to have a set a rules girls are supposed to follow.
An order in which life is supposed to happen.
A way someone is supposed to live.

Well that's not the way my life has gone and for far too long I tortured myself because of it.
I felt like a wasn't doing life right because I wasn't living by these rules.

• I had a kid way before I should have.
• Stop and started school more times than I should admit.
• Threw myself into worthless relationships for years before I figured out I'm actually pretty gay.
• Being gay in general.

This is just the start of my list of what I didn't do 'right'.


I'm done kicking myself and have decided to not break these rules but to rewrite them.
Live the life that makes me happy and forgive myself along the way.
Rewrite all the rules that have pulled me into a place that I was never happy with myself.

seven weeks of learning.

Yesterday marked seven weeks since our family of three became a family of four. It's been a beautiful and messy transition and I think we are beginning to find our footing. Some days are much easier than others and those days make the tough days so much better.

Lo is finding her voice, and becoming cuter every single day. Her entrance into the world was so amazing and magical--another blog for another day. She's no longer a tiny sleeping lump but a bright eyed little wildflower that fights her sleep almost every night that loves her moms so much. I love watching her grow and change but hate knowing that these moments of her being so small are so fleeting.

Dash is settling into being a big brother. I would be lying if I said he fell in love with her the moment he met her, he didn't. For months leading up to her being here I think he was told by countless others that his life would no longer be the same. That scared him--understandably. For the first 10 years of his life he's been the star of show and now he has to share the spotlight. He is learning to love her and I am learning to accept that it is a process for him. 

I truly didn't think i could love my wife anymore than I already did--but I was wrong.
Watching her with Dash always made my heart happy but watching her fall in love with Lo is something new. This little girl has softened her in some ways and also given her a new strength I fall in love with daily.

I am learning a level of patience I never knew was possible.
Learning to slow down, refocus on the things that truly matter and accept the extra help from Lindsey.
Learning to forgive myself on the tough days and be kind to myself.