So the countdown is almost coming to an end. In less than 48 hours we will finally get to meet the daughter that we have been dreaming about for years. To say I'm filled with an avalanche of emotions might be a bit of an understatement. I never saw this happening, I wished for it I hoped for it but never saw it happening.
Which doesn't say too much because there have been so many amazing things that have happened in my life within the past 5 years I never could have predicted.
When I became a mom I was young, naive and an absolute mess. I didn't know how to be a mom and for many years fought against it. Did I love Dash--well yes. So much that it scared me at times. I just had zero idea how to take care of myself as a painfully immature 19 year old so I struggled for years on figuring out how to be a mom. There are many nights I have stayed up filled with so much guilt for not being a good mom when he was younger. For being so selfish and disconnected with how to be a good and loving mom. Wishing so hard to have another chance to be the mom I should have been to him when he was much younger. Now it's here. I'm 10 years older and in some ways 10 years smarter.
It took me a bit longer than I would like to admit how to be a good mom. It took me up heaving our tiny family of two from a dangerous cycle in a tiny town five years ago. It took me leaving everything comfortable and easy behind us to start a new and learn to be myself and learn to be a better mom.
I have been so lucky to find the other half of my heart and in turn to give Dash a better chance at life by giving him more than just myself. My amazing wife didn't just change my world but she changed his and forever I will be grateful for this. I am so proud of this little family we are growing together.
This little girl that's been so busy kicking around in my belly for the past 9 months has already begun to heal the wounds I inflicted on myself. I am so overjoyed to be her Mama.
My life now is so much bigger and beautiful than I ever could have hoped for.
Has it always been easy, not in the least. But damn, it's so beautiful.
